Sometimes I take a look at my life and at myself and it feels like I am drowning. My life has been a series of mistakes but that’s how we grow isn’t it? We make mistake after mistake until we learn, yet we never really learn. I am a tiny speck in the universe that does not kn ow it’s purpose.
My spirituality is important to me, so important it hurts, so when people bash my faith, bash my Gods, it is on such a personal level. When She first came to me everything was bright and wonderful, I let her in and we connected, She taught me things I needed to know, things I didn’t know I needed to know. Then when She thought I was ready She left to teach another. That was hard. Others came and went each adding their own knowledge to my pool yet I was still empty. I latched onto another and devoted my time and energy to Them, but it wasn’t what I needed, so I said farewell.
I don’t really know why I am writing this, maybe to add some insight to myself, maybe just to get it out. I learned about Him years ago, it never concerned me so I thought nothing of it. He wasn’t someone I wanted to work for at the time, wasn’t what I needed. Yet maybe now I do need Him. I need to be judged, I need to see what I am doing wrong, so I can fix it, fix myself. I need to let go of the anguish and the resentment, and He can show me the way. I am on a path that will forever mean I need to learn more, I want to learn more. I am lost yet found.